Hello, my name is Kimberly Chung and I enjoy many things in my life such as petting cats, eating my mother's cooking and folding the laundry. I also enjoy listening about people's stories about life and asking questions about life and especially writing about life. I could go on forever about how wonderful it is to spread your thoughts and imagination on just a sheet of paper and using a writing utensil. Though typing my stories are fine, I get the most fun out of writing it down 'till my right hand is about to fall off. Writing romance fiction is what I prefer to write about but sometimes I would jot down ideas about economic issues and write daily journal entries about my life. Writing, as you can tell is my passion and lead me to wanting a career with it, particularly becoming an authors or journalist which leads me to my comments on the video, Persistence=Success.
Having a goal of journalism or writing stories as my career is hard to achieve. I felt as if I have to be a talented writer to be noticed by a huge audience, but to Angela, her video says different. The hardest thing anyone has to face, in my opinion, is being persistent in your goals. Extreme as that sounded it could be considered as as people trying to be persistent to graduate, people trying to be persistent in keeping friendships that are falling apart, or even people trying to be persistent in living in this confusing world. Unfortunately, it is true what she states in her speech, some people don't succeed and give an end result of giving up. It is hard being persistent when all of these problems occur and these problems could be unbearable to some people. These people, including myself, should realize that failure is always a part of this journey or known as the 'marathon'. We shouldn't compare ourselves to others that reached their goals because they had difficulties as well. Angela mentions that just because a person could have an great I.Q, doesn't mean they succeed right away without having grit. This brings more confidence into my writing because I could make mistakes during my writing process and not be as good as some amazing writers, but with the mindset of believing in my work and learning from those mistakes, perhaps I could go far and be proud of my hardworking success. I'll keep you updated! .
Kim, good work on getting this done on time. Be careful leaving things to the last minute kiddo. Your writing tone is very casual and conversational, which is perfect for a self introduction. You gave a good sense of who you are both through the content of your piece and the the tone of it. You have a few technical issues in the first section;
ReplyDelete1. no period after life in the first sentence, "such as..." is all the same thought
2. "listening about life" is an odd thing to say, perhaps you mean "listening to people's stories about life" or "listening to life as it happens around me"
3. "spread your expressions" also does not make sense, I think you mean "spread your thoughts" or "spread your emotions"
4. til is not a proper word, it is until or 'til if you want to shorten it
I'm glad you got a positive message from the video. I truly believe that the power of grit is significant. You have several items to fix in this section;
1. "hard to succeed" should be "hard to achieve"
2. the second and third sentences need to be combined, but is a conjunction, and remove the double periods
3. "thought out as" should be "considered as"
4. comma after Unfortunately to indicate a pause
5. unbearable to some "people"
6. including myself, comma before and after to set those words apart
7. comma before conjunction, but to indicate pause
This people rambles a bit. It could be tighter and less repetitive. I like the marathon reference.